I write to make sense of my life…to the point that I seem predictable with my thoughts. Then sometimes I write to see if I am capable and if I have the talent. Again sometimes I write to calm myself when am frustrated or depressed…even to vent my fury. Then sometimes I write for no reason at all.
There is no flow in here nor is there any conclusion...just a moment to breathe in this frenzy world…a moment of vulnerability that you do not want to share with others…writing seems like this constant companion who understands, listens, soothes and inspires me.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
How did I live today?
Have you ever wondered why life goes in a direction which can never be understood? I wake up and continue the usual day to day activities of rushing to office, working (not so taxing to your thought process), back home, tired and eat and finally sleep… when I lie down on the bed, then I wonder how did I live today…was there something different?
It’s this continuous restlessness within me that wants me to drop everything and do something else. But I have done that once before; I left my job trying to understand what my dream was all about and what I wanted to do in life. But unfortunately I was frustrated and so I took up another job. Now am not sure if I want to repeat that experience not because the job provides me security but I am unable to identify what is that something different I need to do.
But this restlessness does not stop nor leave me in peace to continue this survival phase. It continuously goads and pushes me that my life is passing away and I am just drifting along. Where are those cues to understand my destiny or directions to pave my own path?
We are too emotional that we don’t tend to be rational most of the time. But then only people who are irrational lead life as it is meant to be. They have the passion to seek and conquer…so where is the question of being logical to attain your goals. No wonder, life is termed as set of contradictions with conflicting messages and pulls from different directions.
It’s this continuous restlessness within me that wants me to drop everything and do something else. But I have done that once before; I left my job trying to understand what my dream was all about and what I wanted to do in life. But unfortunately I was frustrated and so I took up another job. Now am not sure if I want to repeat that experience not because the job provides me security but I am unable to identify what is that something different I need to do.
But this restlessness does not stop nor leave me in peace to continue this survival phase. It continuously goads and pushes me that my life is passing away and I am just drifting along. Where are those cues to understand my destiny or directions to pave my own path?
We are too emotional that we don’t tend to be rational most of the time. But then only people who are irrational lead life as it is meant to be. They have the passion to seek and conquer…so where is the question of being logical to attain your goals. No wonder, life is termed as set of contradictions with conflicting messages and pulls from different directions.
Monday, March 26, 2007
wanderings of the quick mind
Its just another day in the office...my mind wanders too far from the report and it cannot decipher the story behind these numbers. Well, i still havent figured out the next phase of my story and here people expect me to provide the interpretation to assist them in their decision making...isnt that too ironical?
This is how my mind latches on the peculiar human trait that we can remain clear/muddled at the same time and you know what is the best part, the fact that these multiple facets of our lives need not be interconnected...so close to understanding these centralization and decentralization terminologies, hah...yah, suddenly i sound borish to myself since once again i cannot figure what am trying to say here...just capturing the thoughts on mind.
I have always liked writing while i think and then look at it to understand if i made any sense...i actually do if not to others then atleast to myself. Do i want others to understand, you could probe but i would bluntly say "no"...these are exclusively to pave my way and if someone can generalize them, then i join those universal set of writers who kickstarts the bandwagon for other to join in the journey.
I still do not make sense....my mind is too quick to complete one thought process before it wants to jump into many...its as impatient as my character though i can put up a very tolerant and patient outlook...now, where were we, yes, lack of interconnection with different reactions to our various facets...that proves it, now i make some sense:)
if i have confused you as much as i confuse myself...then its time to revive our friendship to greater levels because i am not sure i want to be around people who are more clearer than me:)...just another human trait.
This is how my mind latches on the peculiar human trait that we can remain clear/muddled at the same time and you know what is the best part, the fact that these multiple facets of our lives need not be interconnected...so close to understanding these centralization and decentralization terminologies, hah...yah, suddenly i sound borish to myself since once again i cannot figure what am trying to say here...just capturing the thoughts on mind.
I have always liked writing while i think and then look at it to understand if i made any sense...i actually do if not to others then atleast to myself. Do i want others to understand, you could probe but i would bluntly say "no"...these are exclusively to pave my way and if someone can generalize them, then i join those universal set of writers who kickstarts the bandwagon for other to join in the journey.
I still do not make sense....my mind is too quick to complete one thought process before it wants to jump into many...its as impatient as my character though i can put up a very tolerant and patient outlook...now, where were we, yes, lack of interconnection with different reactions to our various facets...that proves it, now i make some sense:)
if i have confused you as much as i confuse myself...then its time to revive our friendship to greater levels because i am not sure i want to be around people who are more clearer than me:)...just another human trait.
Friday, March 23, 2007
What Do I Say?
What do I say?
When life takes me far away from loved ones?
When my family considers me a renegade?
When my struggle is never ending?
When I do not know what I am doing and why I am doing it?
When people say best times are ahead and it eludes always?
When my thoughts are filled with someone not right for me?
When I can forgive and forget but it seems like am taken for a ride?
When I don't care about being someone else and not true to me?
When happiness seems so near to fetch but my talisman is missing?
When sometimes I think it is mad to believe in my dreams?
When life knocks me down and reality dawns with pain?
When I cannot reconcile my imagination and reality?
When unacceptable things become part of my life termed as fate?
When I do not want to open my eyes to see another day?
When I am not sure if you EXIST?
What do I say?
When I find joy in special moments with my family?
When I am soothed by the sunset and the beauty beckons me?
When I can laugh at the twists and turns of my life?
When I realize that somewhere my dreams have come true?
When I think my life is an interesting ride with new experiences?
When my mind is blank with no thoughts and freedom?
When I find my confidence ooze and hope stir again?
When I count my blessings and build new dreams?
When I cannot express the blossom of new love?
When I believe all my decisions are pre-determined?
When I refuse to regret any memory or part of my life?
When I want to consider my life journey set by destiny and not fate?
When I don’t want to close my eyes so not to miss the moment?
When I feel your PRESENCE?
Is this the difference in perception and why do we oscillate between one end to another? Just another question to the never ending list of mine :)
When life takes me far away from loved ones?
When my family considers me a renegade?
When my struggle is never ending?
When I do not know what I am doing and why I am doing it?
When people say best times are ahead and it eludes always?
When my thoughts are filled with someone not right for me?
When I can forgive and forget but it seems like am taken for a ride?
When I don't care about being someone else and not true to me?
When happiness seems so near to fetch but my talisman is missing?
When sometimes I think it is mad to believe in my dreams?
When life knocks me down and reality dawns with pain?
When I cannot reconcile my imagination and reality?
When unacceptable things become part of my life termed as fate?
When I do not want to open my eyes to see another day?
When I am not sure if you EXIST?
What do I say?
When I find joy in special moments with my family?
When I am soothed by the sunset and the beauty beckons me?
When I can laugh at the twists and turns of my life?
When I realize that somewhere my dreams have come true?
When I think my life is an interesting ride with new experiences?
When my mind is blank with no thoughts and freedom?
When I find my confidence ooze and hope stir again?
When I count my blessings and build new dreams?
When I cannot express the blossom of new love?
When I believe all my decisions are pre-determined?
When I refuse to regret any memory or part of my life?
When I want to consider my life journey set by destiny and not fate?
When I don’t want to close my eyes so not to miss the moment?
When I feel your PRESENCE?
Is this the difference in perception and why do we oscillate between one end to another? Just another question to the never ending list of mine :)
Monday, March 12, 2007
Doing something else
Instead of running towards the gate and away from this office (well my cab is going to leave in exactly 4 mins), i suddenly get the urge to write something...my blog looks desolate without my presence for so long...i have no idea what to fill it with at the moment but i just wanted to scribble something so hasty (hey, do u know best thoughts appear when you are in haste) and now i cannot think anything...another long day and not so but yet so stimulating work...and i wonder where am i going in life...i wonder every night but today it has hit early...ok, really time to go....sometimes we just dont want to think but run/chase/stroll/drag ourselves with life...i wonder why again;)
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