Imagine you don't need to impress anyone with words or actions. You don't need to dress or act smart…just show the rawness of your feelings, express the unexpressed, emote the true reactions and laugh or cry with such atrocity.
Write what flows in your mind, never edit it and make mistakes…well who cares? Don't explain if its not understood…simply not follow logic. Imagine walking away if need be or not being silent in awkward situations…shrug your shoulder when you can’t solve a problem rather than believe you need to have a solution…money is the least consideration…
Don't ask me the question “why?”…just honor these written words.
Monday, May 19, 2008
A faraway dream
In the moment of silence,
I see the graceful presence;
The enlightening vision,
Leads to soulful confession;
Awaken the inner peace,
Bid adieu with eternal hope.
Blessed with your invisible presence in reality, I close my eyes hoping this dream would come true...
I see the graceful presence;
The enlightening vision,
Leads to soulful confession;
Awaken the inner peace,
Bid adieu with eternal hope.
Blessed with your invisible presence in reality, I close my eyes hoping this dream would come true...
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Looking back...
I used to write in the past, five years back and had saved few...they seem so much "me" but still different to what i am now...hehe, this is what they mean when they say "books have a great influence in forming your personality"....read on something from yesteryears...
"She observed them laugh and thought to herself how long they would get fooled by her expressions. She wondered if they knew that at the moment she was so detached that she had deliberately planned how she would react. Her silence would bother them and she didn’t welcome those questions that would follow. Her veil was being funny.
She looked outside the window to observe the strangers walking past by. It was interesting to watch their faces. Few had no expressions and few were very obvious. She had perfected her art of camouflage from these unknown. Their expressions were her practice ground.
Her friends looked at her quizzically and she knew they were awaiting her reply. She looked at them and smiled.
The moment her door closed behind the crazy world, her head hung down and her eyes closed. She was relieved to be lonely and the silence caught her attention. She walked into the room and stood by the window looking at the dark sky. Her eyes searched for something to enrapture her.
Her eyes expressed her confusion for the first time. The confusion was replaced by sadness that she was not happy with the normality. She had lost interest in her surroundings and she was indifferent to being alive or dead. Sad state of existence, she thought.
She wondered what would revive life into her. She never believed in relationships. Does the future hold someone who could stir her emotions? She laughed at the idea of her trusting someone to change her life. The irrevocable control comes from self and not others.
She sometimes would muse why she never seemed content with normal feelings and expectations. She never believed that life is what others define. She wanted to know the real purpose of her being in existence.
She sought relief from this monotonous existence. She wanted to stop believing and just experience what comes ahead. Now her mind started querying if she knew what she wanted. There was something beyond her grasp and the quest to explore it seems as exciting as it frustrates. Her reactions to situations were the sole lessons she wanted to learn and exploration was her only survival tactic.
Her way of thinking was unusually romantic. She wondered if she should stick to a form or be formless to adapt to situations. Her traits and her behaviors were suppose to reflect her character. But she wondered who the audience was? Did it really impact them and so what if it did?
Man made the rules on aspect of what he learnt from his wrongdoings. He experienced life through the learning process but not after discovering. It was unfair on society to curb people with these inordinate rules that bound them with fear and mere survival.
Mere rules do not define life. Life is all about being fearless and making mistakes, not deliberately but unconsciously. Nobody experiences life unless they question everything around them. Nothing is taken for granted. Mere life defined by forced belief and predefined way of living was the root cause for abysmal sadness."
"She observed them laugh and thought to herself how long they would get fooled by her expressions. She wondered if they knew that at the moment she was so detached that she had deliberately planned how she would react. Her silence would bother them and she didn’t welcome those questions that would follow. Her veil was being funny.
She looked outside the window to observe the strangers walking past by. It was interesting to watch their faces. Few had no expressions and few were very obvious. She had perfected her art of camouflage from these unknown. Their expressions were her practice ground.
Her friends looked at her quizzically and she knew they were awaiting her reply. She looked at them and smiled.
The moment her door closed behind the crazy world, her head hung down and her eyes closed. She was relieved to be lonely and the silence caught her attention. She walked into the room and stood by the window looking at the dark sky. Her eyes searched for something to enrapture her.
Her eyes expressed her confusion for the first time. The confusion was replaced by sadness that she was not happy with the normality. She had lost interest in her surroundings and she was indifferent to being alive or dead. Sad state of existence, she thought.
She wondered what would revive life into her. She never believed in relationships. Does the future hold someone who could stir her emotions? She laughed at the idea of her trusting someone to change her life. The irrevocable control comes from self and not others.
She sometimes would muse why she never seemed content with normal feelings and expectations. She never believed that life is what others define. She wanted to know the real purpose of her being in existence.
She sought relief from this monotonous existence. She wanted to stop believing and just experience what comes ahead. Now her mind started querying if she knew what she wanted. There was something beyond her grasp and the quest to explore it seems as exciting as it frustrates. Her reactions to situations were the sole lessons she wanted to learn and exploration was her only survival tactic.
Her way of thinking was unusually romantic. She wondered if she should stick to a form or be formless to adapt to situations. Her traits and her behaviors were suppose to reflect her character. But she wondered who the audience was? Did it really impact them and so what if it did?
Man made the rules on aspect of what he learnt from his wrongdoings. He experienced life through the learning process but not after discovering. It was unfair on society to curb people with these inordinate rules that bound them with fear and mere survival.
Mere rules do not define life. Life is all about being fearless and making mistakes, not deliberately but unconsciously. Nobody experiences life unless they question everything around them. Nothing is taken for granted. Mere life defined by forced belief and predefined way of living was the root cause for abysmal sadness."
Thursday, December 6, 2007
how to make it right?
They say a smile can make the difference...just an upward tilt of your lips, not much of an effort but why does it feel so tough to do it? why do we hesitate to take the first step, fearing failure and disappointment.
It had always been easy to emote when i was younger...easier to utter the word 'sorry'. Now i feel the word "sorry" is not enough to repair relationships...a more courageous approach is needed. but do i have the strength to mend it or will i back out fearing criticism, pain and frustration of being unsuccessful...what brings into mind now is the saying that being brave does not mean you do not fear but you realize that something is more important than fear to achieve it. will it work in my case? a question that would find its answer in less than two weeks...
It had always been easy to emote when i was younger...easier to utter the word 'sorry'. Now i feel the word "sorry" is not enough to repair relationships...a more courageous approach is needed. but do i have the strength to mend it or will i back out fearing criticism, pain and frustration of being unsuccessful...what brings into mind now is the saying that being brave does not mean you do not fear but you realize that something is more important than fear to achieve it. will it work in my case? a question that would find its answer in less than two weeks...
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Myth: Being Aloof
I felt desolate when he waved and took the last turn into the lounge, away from us but moving on to the next exciting phase of his life...I saw my parents cringing to catch a last sight of him as he departed and tears forming in my mother's eye. Till that moment, everything was hustle bustle with running, screaming, hurriedly packing, cursing and as it goes emotions haywire...but the journey back home was unusually quiet with each person absorbed in their thoughts, not wanting to disturb the serenity...the only soul to catch up some sleep that early morning was me...the woman open with her emotions and the man unusually quiet with a lost look...no words from me could get rid of their anxiety.
Then came the so much expected call from him...gone were the hours we could chat but now it would be just few minutes but more precious than ever....we tried deciphering the undertone of his conversation to sense if he was happy or not...we assured each other that he was fine when one felt the doubt...my dad would not let go of his phone, what if the son called and he missed it...the atmosphere was gloomy and i had no power nor the zest to cheer them up.
I felt they would remain as such, missing him and constantly worried about his wellbeing...but as every cloud has a silver lining...he called home one day, excited about the new life there-college, home, friends and the beautiful country...at that moment, i saw the flow of energy in the family...my dad's voice recovered its usual strength, my mom could smile and their excitement was abundant when they discussed about him...they felt assured and happy. Though i was not there to see it, i know my uncle would have gone through the same emotions probably missing him more than any of us did.
Then it striked me that we can lament about being independent, growing up and taking responsibilities, working and moving on from one phase to another leading us away from our family, caught up in the excitement of our yourthful life, success and failures, relationships and friends but what keeps us going is the knowledge that we are not alone in this world. There is always a family, perfect or not, calm or noisy, cohesive or broken...doesnt matter how it seems...but the family is always there to love and forgive you instantly, protect and care for you and more than anything else, make you feel worthy and truly blessed.
we can be of the sternest nature, not wanting to be vulnerable and remain aloof but emotions cannot be held back, whether expressed or not, when it concerns your loved ones...yesterday, while conversing with my brother, he expressed how life would change for him now...find his place in this world. His constant need to know if the family is fine and constant assurance that he is happy there though he misses home showed the transition from being just my kid brother to a man of responsibility...then it happened...i felt the tears in my eyes and the true distance between us...i realized that remaining aloof is a myth and no human can be a character in the book of ayn rand...what made me realize it, well...
we ended the conversation for the first time in our lives saying we miss each other:)
Then came the so much expected call from him...gone were the hours we could chat but now it would be just few minutes but more precious than ever....we tried deciphering the undertone of his conversation to sense if he was happy or not...we assured each other that he was fine when one felt the doubt...my dad would not let go of his phone, what if the son called and he missed it...the atmosphere was gloomy and i had no power nor the zest to cheer them up.
I felt they would remain as such, missing him and constantly worried about his wellbeing...but as every cloud has a silver lining...he called home one day, excited about the new life there-college, home, friends and the beautiful country...at that moment, i saw the flow of energy in the family...my dad's voice recovered its usual strength, my mom could smile and their excitement was abundant when they discussed about him...they felt assured and happy. Though i was not there to see it, i know my uncle would have gone through the same emotions probably missing him more than any of us did.
Then it striked me that we can lament about being independent, growing up and taking responsibilities, working and moving on from one phase to another leading us away from our family, caught up in the excitement of our yourthful life, success and failures, relationships and friends but what keeps us going is the knowledge that we are not alone in this world. There is always a family, perfect or not, calm or noisy, cohesive or broken...doesnt matter how it seems...but the family is always there to love and forgive you instantly, protect and care for you and more than anything else, make you feel worthy and truly blessed.
we can be of the sternest nature, not wanting to be vulnerable and remain aloof but emotions cannot be held back, whether expressed or not, when it concerns your loved ones...yesterday, while conversing with my brother, he expressed how life would change for him now...find his place in this world. His constant need to know if the family is fine and constant assurance that he is happy there though he misses home showed the transition from being just my kid brother to a man of responsibility...then it happened...i felt the tears in my eyes and the true distance between us...i realized that remaining aloof is a myth and no human can be a character in the book of ayn rand...what made me realize it, well...
we ended the conversation for the first time in our lives saying we miss each other:)
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Language...not a barrier
Never has it been and never could it be a barrier...
now i believe language does not dissect the regions simply because of a live example in the form of my close friend...though we both are south indians (there are still too many languages here), we are from two different regions...relatively since i grew in the same state as her, i knew tamil but we have always communicated 90% in english and 10% in tamil...she is a music buff, loves to sing and has a great passion in identifying some cool songs...like a trendsetter...we follow her lead, listen to the song and obviously end up falling in love with it...
Just too many in western/tamil (she loves classical but that she would not force on us)...one fine day, she tells me "hey, i love this song, you got to hear it" and i wait patiently for her to mention another english beat that would add on to my favorites (contribution mostly from her)..."that thing you do" to recent "accidently in love"...in her usual quirky way, she starts humming it...by now am not sure and patiently await for her to wake up from her trance and state the name of the song...but guess what, it sounds like an indian filmy song...well, i still keep thinking, probably hindi/tamil...then she says, "can you identify it?" and i see stars...she keeps saying its the movie khadgam...still i cant figure out which language it is, cant blame me, most of the words are common across languages...few more clues "sonali bendre?", "song shot in abroad?", "love song?" and unfortunately i still cannot figure out... finally she loses patience and says, "its a TELUGU song".
"WELL, How did my friend ever hear a telugu song and what did she understand to add it to her favorite list...being a telugite, i could not even figure this cool song"...i promise to find the song's name and hear it...i did that, the song was beautiful and amazing lyrics (mushy, but we are girls:) )...i fell in love with it...I asked her, "how did you decide its good and romantic?"...she says "the rhythm, music and emotions in the video convey the meaning...you do not need to know the meaning of the words":)
I realized my friend just did not contribute yet another song but some valuable initiation of thought process...yes, it sounds like a very simple and normal day to day interaction between friends but i did realize that so called barriers laid by society in form of caste, language, culture disappear when its all about rhythm and emotions...RIGHT?
now i believe language does not dissect the regions simply because of a live example in the form of my close friend...though we both are south indians (there are still too many languages here), we are from two different regions...relatively since i grew in the same state as her, i knew tamil but we have always communicated 90% in english and 10% in tamil...she is a music buff, loves to sing and has a great passion in identifying some cool songs...like a trendsetter...we follow her lead, listen to the song and obviously end up falling in love with it...
Just too many in western/tamil (she loves classical but that she would not force on us)...one fine day, she tells me "hey, i love this song, you got to hear it" and i wait patiently for her to mention another english beat that would add on to my favorites (contribution mostly from her)..."that thing you do" to recent "accidently in love"...in her usual quirky way, she starts humming it...by now am not sure and patiently await for her to wake up from her trance and state the name of the song...but guess what, it sounds like an indian filmy song...well, i still keep thinking, probably hindi/tamil...then she says, "can you identify it?" and i see stars...she keeps saying its the movie khadgam...still i cant figure out which language it is, cant blame me, most of the words are common across languages...few more clues "sonali bendre?", "song shot in abroad?", "love song?" and unfortunately i still cannot figure out... finally she loses patience and says, "its a TELUGU song".
"WELL, How did my friend ever hear a telugu song and what did she understand to add it to her favorite list...being a telugite, i could not even figure this cool song"...i promise to find the song's name and hear it...i did that, the song was beautiful and amazing lyrics (mushy, but we are girls:) )...i fell in love with it...I asked her, "how did you decide its good and romantic?"...she says "the rhythm, music and emotions in the video convey the meaning...you do not need to know the meaning of the words":)
I realized my friend just did not contribute yet another song but some valuable initiation of thought process...yes, it sounds like a very simple and normal day to day interaction between friends but i did realize that so called barriers laid by society in form of caste, language, culture disappear when its all about rhythm and emotions...RIGHT?
Etched forever and ever...
I started off from my maternal uncle's place just when it started drizzling and i can hear my relatives saying, "hold on, take an umbrella or let us drop you"...i shout back saying, " i would reach home even before it starts raining, dont worry, and anyway its worth walking now than in the hot sun"
I do not wait to see their reactions because i know they would not let me walk in the rain...i hurry up towards the temple across the riverbank where my parents stay in the village...on the way, everybody near their doors offer to drop me or hold me back saying, "you will get drenched"...i would not miss this chance to enjoy the moment and i say again, "i would reach even before it starts pouring, dont worry".
Now i have reached the bridge that i need to cross to reach home...In my hurried attempt to walk, I didnt notice the houses till now but vast openness of the river bank with just sand surrounded by hills in the distance distracts me from my pace...I slow down and stroll by enjoying the view...nothing exemplary could define the way i felt when i saw it...Imagine grey clouds dominating the sky with promises of heavy shower and shadow descending on the earth whereforth the sun was blazing with its scorching heat...just gloomy...but amidst those hills, the sun shines on only one illuminating and so green amongst the other grey hills...I do not know if its common phenomena but for me it was a moment of divinity...I just stood there, no idea how long in the rain, watching the luminous hill with its breathtaking surrounding...I felt hopeful, happy and peaceful to know that i can stop my world for a moment to take such a respite...life, after all, isnt such a drudgery...
Then i hear my uncle, horning and shouting my name, " What is wrong with you? why are you grinning like an idiot in the rain? ". My uncle would be perplexed if i show him the view since its common for them being surrounded by nature.
I just replied, "Dont worry, i will reach home and it still isnt pouring" and ran towards home with the same idiotic grin.
I do not wait to see their reactions because i know they would not let me walk in the rain...i hurry up towards the temple across the riverbank where my parents stay in the village...on the way, everybody near their doors offer to drop me or hold me back saying, "you will get drenched"...i would not miss this chance to enjoy the moment and i say again, "i would reach even before it starts pouring, dont worry".
Now i have reached the bridge that i need to cross to reach home...In my hurried attempt to walk, I didnt notice the houses till now but vast openness of the river bank with just sand surrounded by hills in the distance distracts me from my pace...I slow down and stroll by enjoying the view...nothing exemplary could define the way i felt when i saw it...Imagine grey clouds dominating the sky with promises of heavy shower and shadow descending on the earth whereforth the sun was blazing with its scorching heat...just gloomy...but amidst those hills, the sun shines on only one illuminating and so green amongst the other grey hills...I do not know if its common phenomena but for me it was a moment of divinity...I just stood there, no idea how long in the rain, watching the luminous hill with its breathtaking surrounding...I felt hopeful, happy and peaceful to know that i can stop my world for a moment to take such a respite...life, after all, isnt such a drudgery...
Then i hear my uncle, horning and shouting my name, " What is wrong with you? why are you grinning like an idiot in the rain? ". My uncle would be perplexed if i show him the view since its common for them being surrounded by nature.
I just replied, "Dont worry, i will reach home and it still isnt pouring" and ran towards home with the same idiotic grin.
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