Travelling in auto is pain but probably some of the best thoughts occur then, simply because you are not focusing on driving and can’t help but sit back to enjoy your thoughts. These thoughts are fed everyday by different scenarios or probably the same scenario that looks different every day. There seems to be some lessons to learn, attitudes to adjust, silly recollections to make you smile or other myriad emotions.
This is the reason why I don’t like to be on calls while travelling and prefer to watch the scenes unless it’s my mother’s call who thinks everything is frantic enough to be tenacious till you answer her calls. There are so many days that I have watched someone riding a cycle or lugging some goods or doing any kind of menial work and I think about the income disparity. I wonder why they have not been provided an opportunity to earn well and instead they struggle that way.
I am more inclined to think that way because I have seen the current generation being the first to complete their education in my village though they don’t struggle in similar manner. I like the development but it irritates me that not everyone has caught up with the growth. I was not being superior or judgmental but it used to hit me hard that life is not fair.
Then I realized that am comparing growth and development based on yardsticks defined in my world. Work is just means to an end irrespective of how much it pays and how low in strata you are. Their earnings are no less significant than mine and their lives are no less comfortable than mine. They fulfill their duties, have happy family and pave the way for next generation to enjoy the benefits they lacked. Their objective or destiny in life is as important as mine and what looks like a struggle in my vision might be blessing in theirs.
No kind of disparity will exist where you need to sympathize or empathize or look down if you basically learn to respect people and what they do. Physical form of work is probably healthier and less stressful than sitting at a desk in front of a system. Amount of money in the bank is definitely not a yardstick to define happiness or security if you lack the familial surrounding or peace of mind.
I felt the world tilt back to normal with another silly thought put to rest.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Remain Positive
Life as they say can be viewed in two perspectives....positive or negative...it's as simple as that.We keep looking for assurance from various sources ranging - motivation from friends, success that feeds our ego or confidence, materialistic things, astrology or even spirituality.
When we remove all the layers of complexities that we add in our lives, we can see the basic need that drives us. The need to make us feel good about ourselves and our life...what we do not realize is that it can be done with simple change of mindset. Remaining positive.
The effect of pessimism or negative energy is its behavior like the spread of fire...quick and destructive. It does not take long to subscribe to it whereas there is significant investment required to remain positive. I am not talking about materialistic investment but in the form of patience and hope. Invest in time to change your perspective and belief to build hope...there is a strong saying that "hope is the last to die" and that by itself shows that nothing is better bet than investing in hope.
We need to remember that we are bigger than our problems...sorry if it sounds like egoistic statement but its the most humble approach to life. We need to value our life more than our problems so we cannot let problems defeat us. Initial or the most contributing step is to strongly believe that you can overcome the problems and rest will fall in place.
When we remove all the layers of complexities that we add in our lives, we can see the basic need that drives us. The need to make us feel good about ourselves and our life...what we do not realize is that it can be done with simple change of mindset. Remaining positive.
The effect of pessimism or negative energy is its behavior like the spread of fire...quick and destructive. It does not take long to subscribe to it whereas there is significant investment required to remain positive. I am not talking about materialistic investment but in the form of patience and hope. Invest in time to change your perspective and belief to build hope...there is a strong saying that "hope is the last to die" and that by itself shows that nothing is better bet than investing in hope.
We need to remember that we are bigger than our problems...sorry if it sounds like egoistic statement but its the most humble approach to life. We need to value our life more than our problems so we cannot let problems defeat us. Initial or the most contributing step is to strongly believe that you can overcome the problems and rest will fall in place.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
hard to think of a title:)
I come this far to blog something (its been so long since i even thought about writing) but i feel reluctant to jot down anything...i feel as though am opening a pandora box, unleashing demons (obviously the emotions within) that are so uncomfortable to even acknowledge...whats with me? why am i ready to be dishonest with myself? I am getting caught up in reality and I hate that. Life would be crucifying and so boring if i start living in the real world...my imaginations are the fodder for my soul...I am not sad, just bored, with everything...work, personal life and nothing seems to excite me....not books, music, friends, family or imagination.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Breakaway
What would it be? urge to break away from the routine of life is pushing the other thoughts away from my mind...the only components i need are awareness of what i want, courage to pursue it and strength to bear the consequences...i dont even know what i want but just the inner turmoil that am not living and just pulling along as days go by.
How complacent am i? this is not what i want to do and there is no sense of fulfillment...how i wish i was different..an artist lost in her paintings, author living in the magical world of her book or someone creative who would live for what they are doing and find the hardwork as enjoyable as the final product.
I wonder if am at the dither end of finding the right path or there is some more wrong paths in my journey...as days go by, destiny seems far far away.
How complacent am i? this is not what i want to do and there is no sense of fulfillment...how i wish i was different..an artist lost in her paintings, author living in the magical world of her book or someone creative who would live for what they are doing and find the hardwork as enjoyable as the final product.
I wonder if am at the dither end of finding the right path or there is some more wrong paths in my journey...as days go by, destiny seems far far away.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
RIGHT NOW...
I wanna...
- eat pankcakes
- ride a cycle on a sleek highway with no vehicles passing by except other cyclers and walkers.
- watch an extremely funny movie in a theatre with popcorn
- sit near a sparkling lake with just silence around
- see a miracle such as snowfall in my village with the streets paved with white snows, villagers walking around in winter clothes, houses glistening with snow, pretty and cold landscape and me with a cup of coffee sitting in the porch and enjoying the view.
- take an early morning walk in marina or eliots beach with light drizzle.
- Sleep while mum and dad's voice is heard while they converse on any random topics with each other.
- Night show in Prarthna theatre outdoor with Uncle and Aunt, Brother and Cousin (me and them...Trio) and the small gals...fun to watch movies there with the family or the long drive to the village with uncle and aunt, we (trio) gossiping in the backseat about the music, roadside shop names and people's expressions, making faces at some vehicles.
- spend a day with my brother and my cousin...like the old days watching movies on star movies on every friday night by bringing our mats, blankets and pillows and dozing off in the hall after the movie gets over very late...comfort of their presence while watching a ghost movie so i can hold on to them during those ghastly scenes.
- experience those moments when you babble with close friends and take off on non stop laughter riot:)
- Long night talks till dawn with friends...
Sigh............
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
So it rains…
I have been waiting for the downpour in this scorching heat, praying fervently for that shower from heaven…unexpected but at the right time, during the afternoons when the frequent power cuts test the limit of human tolerance to bear the heat.
It is not the relief it brings with the coolness nor the good will to the farmer community, my reasons to need it are just aesthetic…maybe not the right word to describe it but have you ever seen rain, violent fall against environment with no buildings, paved roads or streaming traffic of vehicles and people?
When there is nothing to obstruct the journey from sky to earth with its endearing counterpart, nature as the only landscape…I have no words to describe the wonder it arises in the soul. The humility of being so small against the world and the cloudy horizon like a disappearing vacuum…it could only be called beautiful. The rhythm of the fall with the drum beats of the thunder seems to wake the wilting trees to dance merry to welcome it.
It's the vision I recollect when my days are long and night are never ending. The view from the doorway - of the coconut trees, huge meditative statue of lord hanuman openly drenching in the shower, rain fall and the stretches of green fields. If I turn around, then there is the long dry river bank acting like our private beach, vast hills and the miniscule village with rain making the landscape divine.
I do not need footwear to step into this rain since the grounds here are not littered with the city debris…just water, mud, leaves and the smell of rain…I could drench in its purity and awash my soul from the embitterment of living. Alas, I regret the fall and the cast on my leg that shall not permit me to embrace the joy but just watch as it goes by.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Illiteracy as bygone term…
The other day, I read this article on the education system in our country, specifically the literacy rate vis-à-vis the world average for the children...I need to take a very optimistic view while I say this, maybe I am being unrealistic but does it make sense to even have a yardstick such as world average here? Should the education not be the right of every child born in our country?
I know that am ignoring the facts such as poverty or inequality or the basic fact that even birth certificates do not exist for many children and here I am questioning our education system. If the seeds are not sown today, then where is the question of redeeming the society in the future? How do we make such an impact without laying the foundation of education? Eradicating poverty, increasing per capita income and to be termed as ‘DEVELOPED’ country (sarcasm meant…btw, I do not pay heeds to such a terminology or demarcation as developed and developing, that would be another topic all together to discuss), removing the inequality due to income, caste and gender…how is all this possible without bringing in education as basic need for all.
Maybe its time the government realizes that setting aside 3-4% of GDP is not the solution for increasing the literacy rate. The requirement is not another reform group to suggest what to do and the study report collects dust in the corner of the bureaucratic office…A conscious decision from our political groups not to compromise on the education or its budget…if there are resource constraints, there are always ways to make things works creatively…we have such wise men who have survived the political games to reach the top and have sharpened their shrewdness to remain there…why are they not using those wonderful grey cells to generate this basic improvement?...The most simple way to increase our primary education in the urban area is to follow what graduation colleges do to earn more money through the evening batches…use the similar strategy in school where the schools in city could spare their teaching resource and infrastructure to provide free education for a small group of children who are below the poverty line after the regular school hours are over…while the school teaches and sets the basic morality in their students, maybe they should act upon it and stand as someone who just does not preach but acts upon it too…the government can tie in this as one of the requirements for giving permissions to run schools or meet the standard laid for them. Its part of this noble profession and being socially conscientious would set the pace for the learning of the future generation. I am sure there are many such ideas that could be put in place which can eradicate the biggest evil…lack of education.
While the ways to make education accessible is very important, even the type of education provided to reach the mass carries a significant role as well…what the child needs to develop has to be recognized and the fact that education should support but not hinder their personality is vital. Being a literate, who can read and write, vote with awareness, open mindedness for accepting the required developments in the society and to make the choice of vocation that aid their desire and interest should be the ideal objectives for providing education to every child.
Maybe this would help us achieve the state where we do not talk only about our glorious valorous past but the state of achievement of the present generation…then we can truly stop paying tributes to the British rule that laid the foundation and recognize our countrymen for taking it all the way through.
I know that am ignoring the facts such as poverty or inequality or the basic fact that even birth certificates do not exist for many children and here I am questioning our education system. If the seeds are not sown today, then where is the question of redeeming the society in the future? How do we make such an impact without laying the foundation of education? Eradicating poverty, increasing per capita income and to be termed as ‘DEVELOPED’ country (sarcasm meant…btw, I do not pay heeds to such a terminology or demarcation as developed and developing, that would be another topic all together to discuss), removing the inequality due to income, caste and gender…how is all this possible without bringing in education as basic need for all.
Maybe its time the government realizes that setting aside 3-4% of GDP is not the solution for increasing the literacy rate. The requirement is not another reform group to suggest what to do and the study report collects dust in the corner of the bureaucratic office…A conscious decision from our political groups not to compromise on the education or its budget…if there are resource constraints, there are always ways to make things works creatively…we have such wise men who have survived the political games to reach the top and have sharpened their shrewdness to remain there…why are they not using those wonderful grey cells to generate this basic improvement?...The most simple way to increase our primary education in the urban area is to follow what graduation colleges do to earn more money through the evening batches…use the similar strategy in school where the schools in city could spare their teaching resource and infrastructure to provide free education for a small group of children who are below the poverty line after the regular school hours are over…while the school teaches and sets the basic morality in their students, maybe they should act upon it and stand as someone who just does not preach but acts upon it too…the government can tie in this as one of the requirements for giving permissions to run schools or meet the standard laid for them. Its part of this noble profession and being socially conscientious would set the pace for the learning of the future generation. I am sure there are many such ideas that could be put in place which can eradicate the biggest evil…lack of education.
While the ways to make education accessible is very important, even the type of education provided to reach the mass carries a significant role as well…what the child needs to develop has to be recognized and the fact that education should support but not hinder their personality is vital. Being a literate, who can read and write, vote with awareness, open mindedness for accepting the required developments in the society and to make the choice of vocation that aid their desire and interest should be the ideal objectives for providing education to every child.
Maybe this would help us achieve the state where we do not talk only about our glorious valorous past but the state of achievement of the present generation…then we can truly stop paying tributes to the British rule that laid the foundation and recognize our countrymen for taking it all the way through.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Adding on...
I know this seems like a continuation of my last writing, but this aspect of music deserves a full write-up because its very significant...the words, sweetly called as lyrics...i am equally obsessed with it...for every song that i had in the music collection, i had strived to collect its lyrics...let me stress that my obsession with it neared the border line...everytime i lost the music and its supporting lyrics due to computer crashes, i would recollect them with the same amount of patience and with no sense of boredom (yeah, i was equally despondent when the system erases all the precious lyrics i had collected)...maybe there are lot of people out there who do the same thing, i dont know but i had to see the lyrics and realize if the words are as powerful as they seem with the flow of music...it is strange that once you listen to a song, you would always associate the rhythm with the lyrics you tend to find later...i mean, your mind would connect them but sometimes i have looked for mood specific lyrics and then searched for the corresponding song.
I do love reading books but the shortest and powerful way to make you think or realize is lyrics...just few words but so meaningful. There are some specific lines that always stay on my mind and luckily, its music has done justice to it. One of my all time favorite is:
And I don't want the world to see me, Cause I don't think that they'd understand, When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, Or the moment of truth in your lies, When everything seems like the movies, Yeah you bleed just to know your alive.
Courtesy : Iris, Goo Goo Dolls
well, i can never explain the impact of this song and these specific words because i identify many shades of myself with it...its always in explorative phase, dont ask me why:)
Comfort Factor...
Some habits are hard to break and more addictive than any...everyone has such a vice and mine is my constant need for the music...the streaming music, any genre. I enjoy all kind and I listen to some just to understand why it topped the charts...but invariably some appeal and that becomes your infatuation for next few days. It does not have to be the most recent ones either, sometimes i get infatuated with old songs too. Its so connected with my moods and thought process, maybe the phase of my life. As long as its appealing, even the language does not matter to me.
Those long moments when sleep seems eluding, short distances with the jarring traffic noises, never ending long journeys to reach a destination with rising impatience, lost in my work and not requiring any interference and most importantly, when i am alone with my thoughts...those are the times when the music has been my sole companion, soothing and exciting as required and rendering those moments easier to bear...its a fascination that would set the pace of my dreams, lifting the spirits up and clearing the muddles in my mind...crazy as it sounds, i tend to associate any song i play with my situation...there seems to be some connecting factor...i wonder what i would do if i was born in a place where music was banned or it never existed on earth...would surviving life be more harder than it seems now?
I have been able to write about other topics easily than i have struggled to put my thoughts down on my love for music...maybe words are not enough to express its contribution in my life...and the above said is meagre expression of its importance.
Existence...
Surrounded by people but still a loner,
Family to love and protect but never understood,
Work to survive material life but no feat of achievement,
Friends abound and merry but none the sole comfort factor,
Life extends vast and promising but mere survival.
As we go forward in life, we seem to retract our path back to solitary existence...
Family to love and protect but never understood,
Work to survive material life but no feat of achievement,
Friends abound and merry but none the sole comfort factor,
Life extends vast and promising but mere survival.
As we go forward in life, we seem to retract our path back to solitary existence...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
When I reminisce...
Why do i feel so alive as dusk sets than in the dawn? is it because i hate the normality of the day and love the solitary moments when i reminisce about life? is it those moments when i dont need to act in particular manner to avoid being judged, how could they when the society is asleep and free spirits are awakened? maybe this is what they refer as ghost...the inner soul that questions us, scarier than watching pale visions...hmm, i wonder if the vision is us, burdened by the non-existence of a reason to live.
Reading this, even i would wonder if am unhappy...sometimes i am and sometimes i am not...its not something caused by people or circumstance (maybe they are the sub-factors)...i feel disconnected to my surroundings and i haven't a clue about it. I am not philosophical by nature and i do not want to know life defined by reality...I am unwilling to accept my limitations and go by normality...why cannot people believe in dreams, the great ones and truly believe they would come true..so what if you are a dreamer, we gotta be happy that we atleast feel alive when we dream...i have never been so personal on my blog but it seems to be a backlash to me from my inner thought process...
it gets harder not to think, look around and see how foolish we are sometimes...always wonder if i am a fool or considered as one (btw, not that it matters;))...guess what, i like my own style of foolishness than being normal, caught up so passively in the passage of time.
Reading this, even i would wonder if am unhappy...sometimes i am and sometimes i am not...its not something caused by people or circumstance (maybe they are the sub-factors)...i feel disconnected to my surroundings and i haven't a clue about it. I am not philosophical by nature and i do not want to know life defined by reality...I am unwilling to accept my limitations and go by normality...why cannot people believe in dreams, the great ones and truly believe they would come true..so what if you are a dreamer, we gotta be happy that we atleast feel alive when we dream...i have never been so personal on my blog but it seems to be a backlash to me from my inner thought process...
it gets harder not to think, look around and see how foolish we are sometimes...always wonder if i am a fool or considered as one (btw, not that it matters;))...guess what, i like my own style of foolishness than being normal, caught up so passively in the passage of time.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
WHAT AM I??
I have always thought am a stubborn person who would lead my life in my terms or protest. I never knew I possessed the stamina to let go of desires and sit back to let life take me through its myriad paths and transitions. More clinical than I have ever been, detached to the reality and prioritizing someone else’s need seems new to me…does this mean I have grown wise or jaded?
Monday, May 19, 2008
Altering Perceptions...
Does truth creep in those silent moments when we have nothing to think about…Does it strike you when you are laughing for a joke and realize it could have been you…Have you ever wondered why things happen the way they do and then you sense no logic in the flow but its meant to be a learning??
Here is one such thing, I feel burdened with the expectations I have from myself and others…Every one of them laid by the society and none have true human values…why do we always lay conditions to make a friend or partner…aren’t these suppose to be heartfelt and we are suppose to look beyond the obvious. Life seems to be all about education, career and retirement… it seems everyone plans it that way for themselves and those surrounding them…does education need to be a criterion to be intelligent? Does background need to be criterion to show good values? Does presence of family need to be criterion for being stable?
I am not questioning anything here or raising objections against the functioning of society…unless we are part of it, how do we realize the values? I ideally would not want to make decisions based on these factors…I want to believe in goodness, generosity and positive aspect of humanity and not the materialistic aspect…sound like utopia to even mend myself in that manner…I have these thoughts but not the inclination to act upon it…my mind seems to be stereotyped and first thing it seeks is the criteria’s I am opposed to.
Here is one such thing, I feel burdened with the expectations I have from myself and others…Every one of them laid by the society and none have true human values…why do we always lay conditions to make a friend or partner…aren’t these suppose to be heartfelt and we are suppose to look beyond the obvious. Life seems to be all about education, career and retirement… it seems everyone plans it that way for themselves and those surrounding them…does education need to be a criterion to be intelligent? Does background need to be criterion to show good values? Does presence of family need to be criterion for being stable?
I am not questioning anything here or raising objections against the functioning of society…unless we are part of it, how do we realize the values? I ideally would not want to make decisions based on these factors…I want to believe in goodness, generosity and positive aspect of humanity and not the materialistic aspect…sound like utopia to even mend myself in that manner…I have these thoughts but not the inclination to act upon it…my mind seems to be stereotyped and first thing it seeks is the criteria’s I am opposed to.
Untitled:)
Imagine you don't need to impress anyone with words or actions. You don't need to dress or act smart…just show the rawness of your feelings, express the unexpressed, emote the true reactions and laugh or cry with such atrocity.
Write what flows in your mind, never edit it and make mistakes…well who cares? Don't explain if its not understood…simply not follow logic. Imagine walking away if need be or not being silent in awkward situations…shrug your shoulder when you can’t solve a problem rather than believe you need to have a solution…money is the least consideration…
Don't ask me the question “why?”…just honor these written words.
Write what flows in your mind, never edit it and make mistakes…well who cares? Don't explain if its not understood…simply not follow logic. Imagine walking away if need be or not being silent in awkward situations…shrug your shoulder when you can’t solve a problem rather than believe you need to have a solution…money is the least consideration…
Don't ask me the question “why?”…just honor these written words.
A faraway dream
In the moment of silence,
I see the graceful presence;
The enlightening vision,
Leads to soulful confession;
Awaken the inner peace,
Bid adieu with eternal hope.
Blessed with your invisible presence in reality, I close my eyes hoping this dream would come true...
I see the graceful presence;
The enlightening vision,
Leads to soulful confession;
Awaken the inner peace,
Bid adieu with eternal hope.
Blessed with your invisible presence in reality, I close my eyes hoping this dream would come true...
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Looking back...
I used to write in the past, five years back and had saved few...they seem so much "me" but still different to what i am now...hehe, this is what they mean when they say "books have a great influence in forming your personality"....read on something from yesteryears...
"She observed them laugh and thought to herself how long they would get fooled by her expressions. She wondered if they knew that at the moment she was so detached that she had deliberately planned how she would react. Her silence would bother them and she didn’t welcome those questions that would follow. Her veil was being funny.
She looked outside the window to observe the strangers walking past by. It was interesting to watch their faces. Few had no expressions and few were very obvious. She had perfected her art of camouflage from these unknown. Their expressions were her practice ground.
Her friends looked at her quizzically and she knew they were awaiting her reply. She looked at them and smiled.
The moment her door closed behind the crazy world, her head hung down and her eyes closed. She was relieved to be lonely and the silence caught her attention. She walked into the room and stood by the window looking at the dark sky. Her eyes searched for something to enrapture her.
Her eyes expressed her confusion for the first time. The confusion was replaced by sadness that she was not happy with the normality. She had lost interest in her surroundings and she was indifferent to being alive or dead. Sad state of existence, she thought.
She wondered what would revive life into her. She never believed in relationships. Does the future hold someone who could stir her emotions? She laughed at the idea of her trusting someone to change her life. The irrevocable control comes from self and not others.
She sometimes would muse why she never seemed content with normal feelings and expectations. She never believed that life is what others define. She wanted to know the real purpose of her being in existence.
She sought relief from this monotonous existence. She wanted to stop believing and just experience what comes ahead. Now her mind started querying if she knew what she wanted. There was something beyond her grasp and the quest to explore it seems as exciting as it frustrates. Her reactions to situations were the sole lessons she wanted to learn and exploration was her only survival tactic.
Her way of thinking was unusually romantic. She wondered if she should stick to a form or be formless to adapt to situations. Her traits and her behaviors were suppose to reflect her character. But she wondered who the audience was? Did it really impact them and so what if it did?
Man made the rules on aspect of what he learnt from his wrongdoings. He experienced life through the learning process but not after discovering. It was unfair on society to curb people with these inordinate rules that bound them with fear and mere survival.
Mere rules do not define life. Life is all about being fearless and making mistakes, not deliberately but unconsciously. Nobody experiences life unless they question everything around them. Nothing is taken for granted. Mere life defined by forced belief and predefined way of living was the root cause for abysmal sadness."
"She observed them laugh and thought to herself how long they would get fooled by her expressions. She wondered if they knew that at the moment she was so detached that she had deliberately planned how she would react. Her silence would bother them and she didn’t welcome those questions that would follow. Her veil was being funny.
She looked outside the window to observe the strangers walking past by. It was interesting to watch their faces. Few had no expressions and few were very obvious. She had perfected her art of camouflage from these unknown. Their expressions were her practice ground.
Her friends looked at her quizzically and she knew they were awaiting her reply. She looked at them and smiled.
The moment her door closed behind the crazy world, her head hung down and her eyes closed. She was relieved to be lonely and the silence caught her attention. She walked into the room and stood by the window looking at the dark sky. Her eyes searched for something to enrapture her.
Her eyes expressed her confusion for the first time. The confusion was replaced by sadness that she was not happy with the normality. She had lost interest in her surroundings and she was indifferent to being alive or dead. Sad state of existence, she thought.
She wondered what would revive life into her. She never believed in relationships. Does the future hold someone who could stir her emotions? She laughed at the idea of her trusting someone to change her life. The irrevocable control comes from self and not others.
She sometimes would muse why she never seemed content with normal feelings and expectations. She never believed that life is what others define. She wanted to know the real purpose of her being in existence.
She sought relief from this monotonous existence. She wanted to stop believing and just experience what comes ahead. Now her mind started querying if she knew what she wanted. There was something beyond her grasp and the quest to explore it seems as exciting as it frustrates. Her reactions to situations were the sole lessons she wanted to learn and exploration was her only survival tactic.
Her way of thinking was unusually romantic. She wondered if she should stick to a form or be formless to adapt to situations. Her traits and her behaviors were suppose to reflect her character. But she wondered who the audience was? Did it really impact them and so what if it did?
Man made the rules on aspect of what he learnt from his wrongdoings. He experienced life through the learning process but not after discovering. It was unfair on society to curb people with these inordinate rules that bound them with fear and mere survival.
Mere rules do not define life. Life is all about being fearless and making mistakes, not deliberately but unconsciously. Nobody experiences life unless they question everything around them. Nothing is taken for granted. Mere life defined by forced belief and predefined way of living was the root cause for abysmal sadness."
Thursday, December 6, 2007
how to make it right?
They say a smile can make the difference...just an upward tilt of your lips, not much of an effort but why does it feel so tough to do it? why do we hesitate to take the first step, fearing failure and disappointment.
It had always been easy to emote when i was younger...easier to utter the word 'sorry'. Now i feel the word "sorry" is not enough to repair relationships...a more courageous approach is needed. but do i have the strength to mend it or will i back out fearing criticism, pain and frustration of being unsuccessful...what brings into mind now is the saying that being brave does not mean you do not fear but you realize that something is more important than fear to achieve it. will it work in my case? a question that would find its answer in less than two weeks...
It had always been easy to emote when i was younger...easier to utter the word 'sorry'. Now i feel the word "sorry" is not enough to repair relationships...a more courageous approach is needed. but do i have the strength to mend it or will i back out fearing criticism, pain and frustration of being unsuccessful...what brings into mind now is the saying that being brave does not mean you do not fear but you realize that something is more important than fear to achieve it. will it work in my case? a question that would find its answer in less than two weeks...
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Myth: Being Aloof
I felt desolate when he waved and took the last turn into the lounge, away from us but moving on to the next exciting phase of his life...I saw my parents cringing to catch a last sight of him as he departed and tears forming in my mother's eye. Till that moment, everything was hustle bustle with running, screaming, hurriedly packing, cursing and as it goes emotions haywire...but the journey back home was unusually quiet with each person absorbed in their thoughts, not wanting to disturb the serenity...the only soul to catch up some sleep that early morning was me...the woman open with her emotions and the man unusually quiet with a lost look...no words from me could get rid of their anxiety.
Then came the so much expected call from him...gone were the hours we could chat but now it would be just few minutes but more precious than ever....we tried deciphering the undertone of his conversation to sense if he was happy or not...we assured each other that he was fine when one felt the doubt...my dad would not let go of his phone, what if the son called and he missed it...the atmosphere was gloomy and i had no power nor the zest to cheer them up.
I felt they would remain as such, missing him and constantly worried about his wellbeing...but as every cloud has a silver lining...he called home one day, excited about the new life there-college, home, friends and the beautiful country...at that moment, i saw the flow of energy in the family...my dad's voice recovered its usual strength, my mom could smile and their excitement was abundant when they discussed about him...they felt assured and happy. Though i was not there to see it, i know my uncle would have gone through the same emotions probably missing him more than any of us did.
Then it striked me that we can lament about being independent, growing up and taking responsibilities, working and moving on from one phase to another leading us away from our family, caught up in the excitement of our yourthful life, success and failures, relationships and friends but what keeps us going is the knowledge that we are not alone in this world. There is always a family, perfect or not, calm or noisy, cohesive or broken...doesnt matter how it seems...but the family is always there to love and forgive you instantly, protect and care for you and more than anything else, make you feel worthy and truly blessed.
we can be of the sternest nature, not wanting to be vulnerable and remain aloof but emotions cannot be held back, whether expressed or not, when it concerns your loved ones...yesterday, while conversing with my brother, he expressed how life would change for him now...find his place in this world. His constant need to know if the family is fine and constant assurance that he is happy there though he misses home showed the transition from being just my kid brother to a man of responsibility...then it happened...i felt the tears in my eyes and the true distance between us...i realized that remaining aloof is a myth and no human can be a character in the book of ayn rand...what made me realize it, well...
we ended the conversation for the first time in our lives saying we miss each other:)
Then came the so much expected call from him...gone were the hours we could chat but now it would be just few minutes but more precious than ever....we tried deciphering the undertone of his conversation to sense if he was happy or not...we assured each other that he was fine when one felt the doubt...my dad would not let go of his phone, what if the son called and he missed it...the atmosphere was gloomy and i had no power nor the zest to cheer them up.
I felt they would remain as such, missing him and constantly worried about his wellbeing...but as every cloud has a silver lining...he called home one day, excited about the new life there-college, home, friends and the beautiful country...at that moment, i saw the flow of energy in the family...my dad's voice recovered its usual strength, my mom could smile and their excitement was abundant when they discussed about him...they felt assured and happy. Though i was not there to see it, i know my uncle would have gone through the same emotions probably missing him more than any of us did.
Then it striked me that we can lament about being independent, growing up and taking responsibilities, working and moving on from one phase to another leading us away from our family, caught up in the excitement of our yourthful life, success and failures, relationships and friends but what keeps us going is the knowledge that we are not alone in this world. There is always a family, perfect or not, calm or noisy, cohesive or broken...doesnt matter how it seems...but the family is always there to love and forgive you instantly, protect and care for you and more than anything else, make you feel worthy and truly blessed.
we can be of the sternest nature, not wanting to be vulnerable and remain aloof but emotions cannot be held back, whether expressed or not, when it concerns your loved ones...yesterday, while conversing with my brother, he expressed how life would change for him now...find his place in this world. His constant need to know if the family is fine and constant assurance that he is happy there though he misses home showed the transition from being just my kid brother to a man of responsibility...then it happened...i felt the tears in my eyes and the true distance between us...i realized that remaining aloof is a myth and no human can be a character in the book of ayn rand...what made me realize it, well...
we ended the conversation for the first time in our lives saying we miss each other:)
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Language...not a barrier
Never has it been and never could it be a barrier...
now i believe language does not dissect the regions simply because of a live example in the form of my close friend...though we both are south indians (there are still too many languages here), we are from two different regions...relatively since i grew in the same state as her, i knew tamil but we have always communicated 90% in english and 10% in tamil...she is a music buff, loves to sing and has a great passion in identifying some cool songs...like a trendsetter...we follow her lead, listen to the song and obviously end up falling in love with it...
Just too many in western/tamil (she loves classical but that she would not force on us)...one fine day, she tells me "hey, i love this song, you got to hear it" and i wait patiently for her to mention another english beat that would add on to my favorites (contribution mostly from her)..."that thing you do" to recent "accidently in love"...in her usual quirky way, she starts humming it...by now am not sure and patiently await for her to wake up from her trance and state the name of the song...but guess what, it sounds like an indian filmy song...well, i still keep thinking, probably hindi/tamil...then she says, "can you identify it?" and i see stars...she keeps saying its the movie khadgam...still i cant figure out which language it is, cant blame me, most of the words are common across languages...few more clues "sonali bendre?", "song shot in abroad?", "love song?" and unfortunately i still cannot figure out... finally she loses patience and says, "its a TELUGU song".
"WELL, How did my friend ever hear a telugu song and what did she understand to add it to her favorite list...being a telugite, i could not even figure this cool song"...i promise to find the song's name and hear it...i did that, the song was beautiful and amazing lyrics (mushy, but we are girls:) )...i fell in love with it...I asked her, "how did you decide its good and romantic?"...she says "the rhythm, music and emotions in the video convey the meaning...you do not need to know the meaning of the words":)
I realized my friend just did not contribute yet another song but some valuable initiation of thought process...yes, it sounds like a very simple and normal day to day interaction between friends but i did realize that so called barriers laid by society in form of caste, language, culture disappear when its all about rhythm and emotions...RIGHT?
now i believe language does not dissect the regions simply because of a live example in the form of my close friend...though we both are south indians (there are still too many languages here), we are from two different regions...relatively since i grew in the same state as her, i knew tamil but we have always communicated 90% in english and 10% in tamil...she is a music buff, loves to sing and has a great passion in identifying some cool songs...like a trendsetter...we follow her lead, listen to the song and obviously end up falling in love with it...
Just too many in western/tamil (she loves classical but that she would not force on us)...one fine day, she tells me "hey, i love this song, you got to hear it" and i wait patiently for her to mention another english beat that would add on to my favorites (contribution mostly from her)..."that thing you do" to recent "accidently in love"...in her usual quirky way, she starts humming it...by now am not sure and patiently await for her to wake up from her trance and state the name of the song...but guess what, it sounds like an indian filmy song...well, i still keep thinking, probably hindi/tamil...then she says, "can you identify it?" and i see stars...she keeps saying its the movie khadgam...still i cant figure out which language it is, cant blame me, most of the words are common across languages...few more clues "sonali bendre?", "song shot in abroad?", "love song?" and unfortunately i still cannot figure out... finally she loses patience and says, "its a TELUGU song".
"WELL, How did my friend ever hear a telugu song and what did she understand to add it to her favorite list...being a telugite, i could not even figure this cool song"...i promise to find the song's name and hear it...i did that, the song was beautiful and amazing lyrics (mushy, but we are girls:) )...i fell in love with it...I asked her, "how did you decide its good and romantic?"...she says "the rhythm, music and emotions in the video convey the meaning...you do not need to know the meaning of the words":)
I realized my friend just did not contribute yet another song but some valuable initiation of thought process...yes, it sounds like a very simple and normal day to day interaction between friends but i did realize that so called barriers laid by society in form of caste, language, culture disappear when its all about rhythm and emotions...RIGHT?
Etched forever and ever...
I started off from my maternal uncle's place just when it started drizzling and i can hear my relatives saying, "hold on, take an umbrella or let us drop you"...i shout back saying, " i would reach home even before it starts raining, dont worry, and anyway its worth walking now than in the hot sun"
I do not wait to see their reactions because i know they would not let me walk in the rain...i hurry up towards the temple across the riverbank where my parents stay in the village...on the way, everybody near their doors offer to drop me or hold me back saying, "you will get drenched"...i would not miss this chance to enjoy the moment and i say again, "i would reach even before it starts pouring, dont worry".
Now i have reached the bridge that i need to cross to reach home...In my hurried attempt to walk, I didnt notice the houses till now but vast openness of the river bank with just sand surrounded by hills in the distance distracts me from my pace...I slow down and stroll by enjoying the view...nothing exemplary could define the way i felt when i saw it...Imagine grey clouds dominating the sky with promises of heavy shower and shadow descending on the earth whereforth the sun was blazing with its scorching heat...just gloomy...but amidst those hills, the sun shines on only one illuminating and so green amongst the other grey hills...I do not know if its common phenomena but for me it was a moment of divinity...I just stood there, no idea how long in the rain, watching the luminous hill with its breathtaking surrounding...I felt hopeful, happy and peaceful to know that i can stop my world for a moment to take such a respite...life, after all, isnt such a drudgery...
Then i hear my uncle, horning and shouting my name, " What is wrong with you? why are you grinning like an idiot in the rain? ". My uncle would be perplexed if i show him the view since its common for them being surrounded by nature.
I just replied, "Dont worry, i will reach home and it still isnt pouring" and ran towards home with the same idiotic grin.
I do not wait to see their reactions because i know they would not let me walk in the rain...i hurry up towards the temple across the riverbank where my parents stay in the village...on the way, everybody near their doors offer to drop me or hold me back saying, "you will get drenched"...i would not miss this chance to enjoy the moment and i say again, "i would reach even before it starts pouring, dont worry".
Now i have reached the bridge that i need to cross to reach home...In my hurried attempt to walk, I didnt notice the houses till now but vast openness of the river bank with just sand surrounded by hills in the distance distracts me from my pace...I slow down and stroll by enjoying the view...nothing exemplary could define the way i felt when i saw it...Imagine grey clouds dominating the sky with promises of heavy shower and shadow descending on the earth whereforth the sun was blazing with its scorching heat...just gloomy...but amidst those hills, the sun shines on only one illuminating and so green amongst the other grey hills...I do not know if its common phenomena but for me it was a moment of divinity...I just stood there, no idea how long in the rain, watching the luminous hill with its breathtaking surrounding...I felt hopeful, happy and peaceful to know that i can stop my world for a moment to take such a respite...life, after all, isnt such a drudgery...
Then i hear my uncle, horning and shouting my name, " What is wrong with you? why are you grinning like an idiot in the rain? ". My uncle would be perplexed if i show him the view since its common for them being surrounded by nature.
I just replied, "Dont worry, i will reach home and it still isnt pouring" and ran towards home with the same idiotic grin.
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